Today we were given the news that 1.6 million people would stay in one of the harshest lockdowns in the world for a fifth week.
Lockdown is tough on everyone. All ages from tiny babies to great-grandparents. All struggle in different ways. And the other day I was thinking about how our children are not able to meet and play with their friends during lockdown.
It reminded me of a time a few years ago, during the school holidays when my children were growing up. I had decided to allocate ‘home days’. These would be days when we would stay at home and the children would play at home without friends to visit and without my help. They wouldn’t be doing screen time either because I wanted to help them learn how to use their imaginations and entertain themselves.
It didn’t take them long to ask for friends to come round. And when I told them that we were not having friends for the day they complained a little bit about having ‘nothing to do’. I was feeling so strong inside that I was able to tell them nicely and encouragingly that they could find something to do at home without friends visiting, and without screens. And also, they had to go and have a good play – outside!
They did find something to do. They had a good, long, happy, play day. It was great. Good for them to really soak up the play time, and good for me not having to supervise or taxi people around.
During that week I also read a short story called Among the Ruins by the Irish writer, Brian Friel, in which a man called Joe takes his family back to Corradinna a place where he has many happy childhood memories.
Joe starts to think he has made a mistake bringing his family back, his memories are being destroyed by looking at things with adult eyes (the wood that is really a little stand of trees, the river that is really a creek, the adult, non-understanding intrusion of his wife on his little-boy fantasies).
When it is time to leave, Joe goes to call his son and sees his son playing a complicated imagination game, just as he had done when he was a child himself. He breaks into the game roughly and the family sets off home. On the way home Joe starts to wonder at what his son, Peter was doing:
“What did Peter mean, he wondered dreamily; what game was he playing? He recalled the child’s face, engrossed, earnest with happiness, as he squatted on the ground by the rabbit hole. A made-up game, Joe supposed, already forgotten. He would ask him in the morning, but Peter would not know. Just out of curiosity he would ask him, not that it mattered. And then a flutter of excitement stirred in him. Yes, yes, it did matter. Not the words, not the game, but the fact that he had seen his son, on the first good day of summer, busily, intently happy in solitude. The fact that Peter would never remember it was of no importance; it was his own possession now, his own happiness, this knowledge of a child’s private joy.
Then as he turned the car in to the road that led to their house, a strange, extravagant thought struck him. He must have had moments of his own like Peter’s, alone, back in Corradinna. And, just as surely, his own father must have stumbled on him, and must have recognized himself in his son. And his father before that, and his father before that. Generations of fathers stretching back and back, all finding magic and sustenance in the brief, quickly destroyed happiness of their children. The past did have meaning. It was neither reality nor dreams, neither today’s patchy oaks nor the great woods of his boyhood. It was simply continuance, life repeating itself and surviving.”
When I read this story, I thought of my own childhood imagination games and of seeing my children play theirs. I understood what Joe felt, as a fellow-parent and ex-child. I realised more clearly that imagination play of childhood is rich, important and valuable. As well as giving us a sense of continuance.
During this present stressful time our children seem to be missing out on so much. But play-at-home days and imagination games can help to relax and focus a child. Maybe his days won’t be filled with the usual busy activities and events. Maybe time away from the screen will challenge him, but I recommend trying it. Persist. A screen-free day or afternoon will certainly be novel for many children. But allowing time for imagination games, can help to encourage that sense of continuity, of the circle of life, of belonging which brings a deep satisfaction to body and soul.
During that week of play-at-home days with my own children I learnt that ‘boredom’ could be an essential ingredient to a rich childhood and I knew that I wanted my children to be ‘bored’ again.
And what about that book of short stories that I was reading? It’s called “The Diviner, The best stories of Brian Friel” by Brian Friel. I am very sorry to say that it’s out of print, but if you ever come across any short stories by Brian Friel take hold of them quickly and don’t let them go until you have paid your money and got your book home for your own bookshelf!